English Hacking

이번주는 진짜 컨디션이… 스스로 한 약속이라 끌고 갑니다. 이번주는 문장 나누기를 연습하려 했었는데, 어느 나라나 문장 길게 쓰기로 유명한 글쓰기 스타일이 바로 법률 문서죠. 그래서, 판례같은 것 중에서 가능한 한 법률용어가 안들어간 것을 하려 했었는데, 어쩔 수 없이 전문용어가 좀 들어갔네요… 그렇지만, 전문용어는 여기서 핵심이 아닙니다. 그냥 아주 헷갈리신 것만 간단히 설명합니다. 아래 글을 읽을 때 특히 어디에서 문장을 나누었는지, 얼마나 효율적으로 나누었는지 고려하면서 음미해 보세요… 먼저 원문부터…

을은 전업주부로 가사를 전담하고 가계수입은 전적으로 남편에 의존하고 있었는데 미성년의 두 자녀를 남긴 채 갑이 갑자기 교통사고로 사망하였고, 갑이 사망하자마자 을로서는 내용을 잘 알 수 없었던 갑의 채권자들이 채권을 주장하면서 손해배상금에 법적 조치를 취하려는 움직임이 있었으며, 갑의 동서로서 사회경험이 많은 병이 친구를 통하여 A회사 광주지점의 보상과장과 접촉하면서 적은 금액이라도 빨리 합의하여 보상금을 수령하여야 채권자들의 법적 조치를 피할 수 있다고 하면서 합의를 권유하자, 을은 갑의 사망 후 불과 5일만에 남편의 소득을 입증하여 정상적으로 받을 수 있는 손해배상금과 비교하면 턱없이 적은 돈을 받고 합의를 하기에 이르렀는데 곧 자신의 잘못을 깨닫고 합의일로부터 불과 9일 후 A에게 합의가 궁박한 상태에서 경솔하게 이루어진 합의이므로 무효이거나 취소한다는 취지의 내용증명우편을 보낸 사실을 알 수 있다.

아래에서 idelui님이 말한 것처럼, 익명으로 누군가를 보호하려 할 때는 John Doe, Jane Doe 등을 씁니다. 우리나라식으로 하자면, 홍길동이라고나 할까요… 근데, 우리나라에서는 보통 갑을병정… 하는 식으로 하는데, 이건 그냥 영어로 할 때는 편의상 ABCD로 시작하는 남녀이름을 적당히 섞어서 쓰는게 편의상 좋을 것 같아서 그렇게 부탁한 겁니다.

stepbystep (42.0/13.3): The fact we can get to know is as follows: As a housewife, Betty took care of household affairs and depends depended entirely on husband’s income in a house. Alex died in accident suddenly, leaving two children. Once Alex passed away, Alex’s creditors claimed bonds debts that Betty didn’t know well and proceeded to take legal action over liquidated damages that Betty didn’t know well. As a an Alex’s sister in law, Cathy who knew well how society works, through her friend, had contact with a compensation department manager in Gwangju branch of Acme Company. Cathy also recommended Betty to reach an agreement for even small amount of money so in haste that by receiving the compensation money, Betty could avoid legal action from Alex’s creditors. So, Betty demonstrated husband’s income merely 5 days after Alex breathed his last and agreed to accept the unreasonably small compensation money compared to liquidated damages that B had a just right to secure. Betty was shortly convinced of her error because Betty had hastily come to an agreement in narrow circumstances. Only 9 days after date of agreement, Betty sent a contents-proved mail to Acme, Inc. meaning the arrangement could be invalid or canceled.

지나치게 전문적인 내용을 고르다보니, 좀 전문용어에서 혼란스러우셨던 것 같아요. 전문용어와 관련해서 유일한 충고는 “잘 모르면 쓰지 말라”는 것입니다. 부정확하게 쓰면 오히려 역효과가 나타날 수 있죠. 위에서 두 가지만 말하자면,

• 채권: 보통 한글로 채권이라고 하는 것은 두 가지 의미를 가진 두 가지 서로 다른 단어일 수 있습니다. 한자로 쓰면 다르죠. 첫째는 (보통 많이 쓰는 것은) 쉽게 말하자면, “빚/빌려준 돈을 받을 권리” 정도로 이해하면 됩니다. 이 경우, 번역은 대충 “debt”로 하면 통하긴 하지만, 이건 채권에 대응하는 개념인 “채무”와 좀 헷갈릴 수 있죠. 이것을 아주 명확히 해야 할 때에는 그냥 “debt claim” 또는 “claim”으로 쓰면 됩니다만, 대체로는 이렇게까지 엄격하게 할 필요는 없죠. 두 번째 의미는 주식, 채권 할 때 쓰는 말인데, 주식과 구분하여 회사 등에 빌려준 돈을 증명/표시하는 증서 정도의 의미일거에요. 아주 엄격한 규정은 다르겠지만, 이정도만 알고 있어도 지장 없죠. 이 경우에는 “bond”나 “note” 등으로 쓰면 됩니다. 좀 더 엄격하게는 상장여부에 따라 구분하기도 하지만, 뭐 그까지야…
• 손해배상금: 그냥 “damage” 또는 “damage compensation” 정도로 하면 됩니다. 금액이 중요할 때에는 “damage amount” 정도 하면 뭐… 위에서 쓰신 “liquidated damage”라는 말은 좀 특별한 의미가 있는 말입니다. 굳이 한국에서는 “손해배상의 예정”이라고 할까요… 손해가 나기 전에, 손해가 났을 경우에는 손해배상금이 얼마라고 미리 약속하는 것입니다.

한 문장을 아홉 문장으로 나누셨군요…

icelui (47.3/12.9): As a housewife, Jane Doe has been entirely dependent on her husband John Doe about their family income; she only minded the housekeeping. Now that John had passed away in a sudden car accident leaving his two minor children behind, his obligees took legal action on the damages to demand their obligatory rights ever unknown to her. Under the very situation, Richard Roe, a brother-in-law of the deceased, advised her to agree on the compensation in haste even with few amount if she wants to evade the action; concerning Richard’s wide experience in social life and the counsel he got from a compensation department director of Acme Company’s Gwangj-ju brach, whom he had been introduced through his friend, Jane reached an agreement with the company by accepting very few amount of money compared to normally expected to receive, after she verified the earnings of the deceased merely in 5 days from his death. Soon she had became aware of her mistake; just 9 days after the agreement, she sent to Acme Company a contents-certified mail to claim that the agreement is void or should be canceled as it was made carelessly in distressed conditions. Such are the facts of the case in general.

위에서와 마찬가지로, 이탤릭으로 표시된 것은 저와 다소 다르게 읽은 부분을 표시한 것입니다. 여덟 문장으로 나누셨구요…

designo (49.1/11.8): Betty was a homemaker and was responsible for household chores. The only income of Betty’s family was from her husband Alex.
However he was killed in a traffic accident all of a sudden, his two infancy and Betty were left.
As soon as Alex was dead, creditors of Alex gathered and claimed their credits that Betty hadn’t known until then. They started taking legal steps to take Alex’s death benefit as credit.
Cathy-a woman of the world and a sister-in-law of Alex contacted head of Kwang-ju branch of Acme, Inc. through her friend-suggested Betty that she must avoid creditors’ legal proceedings by reaching an agreement with a harmer and getting insurance payment quickly even if it’s small amount.
5 days later, Betty reached an agreement and got quite a small death benefit than normal compensation.
Betty immediately realized her own error 9 days after the agreement and sent a certification mail of contents that she was in difficulty and made a hasty judgment, so the agreement is not valid or has to be cancelled.

의미를 가장 정확하게 전달하신 것 같아요 문장 흐름도 아주 좋구요… 단어 선택도… 여덟 문장입니다.

lightingon (43.6/11.5): Betty was a housewife, who took full responsibility in household. Household income was fullly dependent on her husband Alex; he died unexpectedly from traffic accident, leaving two minor children. It was scarcely his death before creditors, claiming bondsdebts that Betty did not know, tried to take legal action on Alex’ right of compensation for damage. Cathy, a sister-in-law having much of social experience, contacting the chief of compensation section of Kwangju branch of Acme,Inc though her friend, induced her to agree; legal action of creditors could be avoidable by receipt of compensation money through early agreement though that was nonot enough. So, Betty came to agreement; only in 5 days of her husband’s death she received unreasonably small money when compared with money that could be receivable normally by approvingproving her husband’s income. Betty sent a letter: agreement was invalid because that was made careless after only 9 days later from the day of agreement in Betty’s urgent situation.

열 문장이구요… 여전히 중첩적 구성을 선호하시네요… :) 특히, “Cathy”에 대한 묘사 부분을 각자 어떻게 처리했는지 살펴 보면 나름 재미있을 것 같은데요… 그 전에 제가 한 것부터… 역시 뭐 별로 특별히 남들보다 잘했다는 것은 아니고…

lawfully (40.1/15.9): The undisputed facts are: Betty, a housewife with two children, relied solely on her husband, Alex, for the family income. When Alex had suddenly died of a traffic accident, a group of creditors of Alex tried to take legal actions on damage compensations based on debts unbeknownst to Betty. Then, Cathy, a worldly-wise sister-in-law of the deceased, recommended Betty to settle the case and get the money as fast as possible to avoid legal seizure after consulting the matter, through her friend, with an associate at the compensation division of Kwangjoo Branch of Acme, Inc. Betty accordingly settled the case in just 5 days, getting laughable amount of money as the compensation compared to the amount she would have been entitled to if she had cared to prove the income of her deceased husband. Soon, she realized her mistake, and sent a content-proof mail to the company after 9 days, stating that the agreement is void or cancelled as it was made in haste, under duress.

저는 여섯 문장입니다. FK 점수도 기록적인 40.1/15.9입니다. :) 저도 길게 쓸 수 있다구요… :)

위의 각각의 번역에서 사건과 시점의 연결 부분을 눈여겨 보세요. 사실 이 부분에 대해서 서로 많이 다른 결과가 나온 것 같아요. 중요한 것은 사건과 (사건을 묘사하는) 시점에 대한 설명이 서로 떨어지면 언제 무슨 일이 있었는지가 아주 까다롭게 꼬이게 되죠… 특히 이번에 한 것처럼 까다롭고 길게 서술한 서술문인 경우에는요…

이 부분을 따로 나눠서 보죠…

갑의 동서로서 사회경험이 많은 병이 친구를 통하여 A회사 광주지점의 보상과장과 접촉하면서 적은 금액이라도 빨리 합의하여 보상금을 수령하여야 채권자들의 법적 조치를 피할 수 있다고 하면서 합의를 권유하자,

stepbystep: As a an Alex’s sister in law, Cathy who knew well how society works, through her friend, had contact with a compensation department manager in Gwangju branch of Acme Company. Cathy also recommended Betty to reach an agreement for even small amount of money so in haste that by receiving the compensation money, Betty could avoid legal action from Alex’s creditors.

icelui: Under the very situation, Richard Roe, a brother-in-law of the deceased, advised her to agree on the compensation in haste even with few amount if she wants to evade the action; concerning Richard’s wide experience in social life and the counsel he got from a compensation department director of Acme Company’s Gwangj-ju brach, whom he had been introduced through his friend, ...

designo: Cathy-a woman of the world and a sister-in-law of Alex contacted head of Kwang-ju branch of Acme, Inc. through her friend-suggested Betty that she must avoid creditors’ legal proceedings by reaching an agreement with a harmer and getting insurance payment quickly even if it’s small amount.

lightingon: Cathy, a sister-in-law having much of social experience, contacting the chief of compensation section of Kwangju branch of Acme,Inc though her friend, induced her to agree; legal action of creditors could be avoidable by receipt of compensation money through early agreement though that was nonot enough.

lawfully: Then, Cathy, a worldly-wise sister-in-law of the deceased, recommended Betty to settle the case and get the money as fast as possible to avoid legal seizure after consulting the matter, through her friend, with an associate at the compensation division of Kwangjoo Branch of Acme, Inc.

어떠세요? 느낌이? 사실, 똑같은 사실로부터 오만가지의 이야기를 만들어낼 수 있죠. 이게 번역의 매력이면서도, 함정이죠. 사실, 글쓰기도 마찬가지구요…